The Present Perfect
Exercise 1: 4 Tips for choosing the right person to date
- Recognize And Avoid Negative Past Patterns
Reliving pain from bad past relationships may be the last thing you want to do, but it’s a critical step to ensuring your future happiness. In a Psychology Today article, Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., notes that many people subconsciously choose partners who make them feel familiar and comfortable. “We feel drawn to people who allow us to recreate dynamics that are familiar and who reinforce negative ideas we’ve long had about ourselves,” Firestone wrote. “By recognizing our patterns, we can start to make different choices and give someone different a chance.”
- Look Beyond Your Preconceived Notions Of What A Partner “Should” Be
According to Firestone, people end up limiting their options for partners based on their defined “type,” or by setting specific standards for a good mate. There’s no reason to ignore a connection just because the person has “too much” or “not enough” of a certain quality that you desire. Keep an open mind and don’t rule out anyone based on superficial criteria like their career or living situation.
- Pay Close Attention To Early Conversations And Behaviors
In the early phases of dating, people tend to reveal a lot about themselves to establish a relationship. You and your date are both presenting yourselves in the best light, and you may find yourself fascinated with this potential partner. Before you get too invested, take off the rose-colored glasses and look critically at what they say and do. Are they overly charming, but get angry quickly? Do they constantly brag about accomplishments? All of these could be signs of a narcissistic person who may not be capable of truly caring about you, your feelings, or your well-being.
- Continually Evaluate The Relationship As It Progresses
A relationship is only healthy when both partners feel satisfied, fulfilled, and respected. Things may seem perfect when you first start out, but once you’re past the “honeymoon phase,” evaluate your current feelings and dynamic. If your new partner begins exhibiting troubling behaviors – controlling your mutual activities, getting overly jealous or insecure, not communicating regularly, etc. – take a step back and consider whether you’re in a toxic relationship. This is especially important to do before you take a big step like moving in together.
Exercise 1: Choose the correct answer.